Celtic Spirit Coloring Book

You have to ask yourself just one question before you decide to get this book. Do you like intricate, Celtic knotwork? Well, do you? I know I don't! (Or at least, I don't care about it.) But I knew that going in, and I'm certainly not holding it against Celtic Spirit Coloring Book that knotwork just isn't my thing. That being said, if it's your thing, then congratulations: I found you a cool coloring book!

Maybe, like me, knotwork isn't really your thing either. That's okay. There are still some neat things for you in Celtic Spirit. There are 78 intricate images in this book, including some that are two-page spreads. Each image is a labyrinth for your colored pencils to get lost in. At times, I've found the images overwhelming! I have a tendency to try shading every little thing in the images I color. Almost nothing gets a flat color in my coloring books. But with this, I find it difficult to imagine coloring it any other way. How could I possibly keep up with my color scheme unless I pick my way from one end of the knot through its many loops, swirls, and tucks until I've completed it through to the other side? Again: not really my thing— but I can see how that could appeal to some people. If you're willing to get lost in that maze, I can see how this might be meditative for you. My favorite images have a nice balance between tiny, tight knots and the bigger, looser knots. These happen to include some excellent animal imagery, including dragons. (I know, what a shock: I like dragons! GASP!)

Finally, let me tell you about the paper itself: looks standard. The pages are thick enough that I think they may hold up to markers, but not to too many passes. Unfortunately, I can't test it, since this is a gift for someone. I'd stick to my colored pencils for it if this were my copy. The introduction also suggests that if you're particularly pleased with your work, you can frame and display it— or even gift it to someone! Of course, you could do this with any of the pages you color in any coloring books, but other books make it easy to do. This one does not. The pages are double-sided, and they are not perforated. Get ready for some book surgery if you decide to excise any of the images.

Overall, I would say Celtic Spirit is a decent coloring book, and you have better than even odds of liking it. Enjoy!

Art of Coloring Disney Villains

How do you like your Disney villains? Do you like them devious? Cunning? How about hipster-y, self-centered, and covered in patterns? Then have I got a treat for you!

I see you found a Disney coloring book more suited to your tastes.
Yes, though I only had a chance to flip through it. Art of Coloring Disney Villains is a little thank-you gift I bought for one of my friends. It's weird at times, but thankfully still entertaining. Unlike in the Disney Princess coloring book, the characters in Disney Villains are allowed to express a wide range of emotions while reenacting scenes from their movies or otherwise posing with new, "updated" material. Probably one of the funniest examples of this are the several images of Gaston from Beauty & the Beast as he takes an endless stream of selfies on a smart phone. Yeah. Wrap your head around that one. You'll see it makes complete sense— if he had a smart phone. One of the repeating "wallpaper" images is multiple villain faces wearing hipster glasses. Weird? Yes. Entertaining? YES.

The book is split into several different sections: animal kingdom, strictly human, and witches/creatures. As an unexpected bonus, most of the villains in the book also have a small, card-size portrait with information regarding: their movie, when it was released, and who voiced them. As with Art of Coloring Disney Princesses, this book is also that strange kind of hard cover (where it's a soft cover book with cardboard on the front and back). I still don't get it, but since the images were so much more fun for the villains, I really didn't mind so much. My favorite thing about this book, though, is that each of the villains has at least one image that include the movie's heroes as well. In each of these, the villain looks (appropriately) menacing— or looms over— the heroes/heroines; especially Izma from Emperor's New Groove. So what if they drew her with a piece of spinach stuck in her teeth? She's still a badass!

If you're interested in purely classic villains doing only what they do in their movies, I recommend you move along now. As previously mentioned, they took some liberties with these characters. However, since they are still "in character" for the most part, I forgave the artists and would be happy to have this book for my very own. I recommend you get one for yourself as well!

The Cruelty: Red-headed stepchild of the YA genre

I will find you... And I will read you. On 2/17/17

People who read my blog, take note: I am a bibliophile. You probably gathered as much from the fact that I have a book review blog that I post in on a mostly regular basis. Still, I wanted to preface the following review with that statement, so you would understand just how I came to possess a copy of Scott Bergstrom's The Cruelty. I love books, and if a print copy of something should be offered to me for free, well... How could I say "no"? It had everything to do with wanting a new book, and nothing with the fact that it's "young adult" fiction or that the plot is essentially reverse-Taken.

It's "reverse Taken"...?

Yes: a loved one is kidnapped by terrorists/mobsters/criminals that are involved with human trafficking and our heroic protagonist must save them. It just so happens that this time, the daughter has to go save her kidnapped father instead of the other way around. Dad's been damseled, but everything else is very similar.

Our heroine, Gwendolyn Bloom, is the seventeen-year-old daughter of a kidnapped diplomat, and she has tough choices ahead of her. Terrorists rarely pick the best time to kidnap one's family, and for Gwendolyn they chose the day after the tenth anniversary of her mother's murder. With one parent already brutally slain, Gwendolyn won't let the other go. The choices she faces begin benignly enough: will she go meekly to live with a distant relative she doesn't know and accept that the authorities are doing everything in their power to rescue her father— the only family she's ever really known? Or will she wrest control of the situation and do everything she can to get him back? I don't think we'd get much of a book if she'd done the former— "well-behaved women seldom make history" (L.T. Ulrich) and all that jazz. From that point forward, Bergstrom sets the narrative on cruise control in the "action packed novel" lane, complete with training sessions (where Gwendolyn emerges as a teenage badass capable of defending herself against anything after a month of intense training), breaking and entering, murder, even picking up on a cold trail in a missing person's case through Europe (which is where her dad disappeared).

That sounds intense!

It's predictable, yet satisfying. Except for a slow start— potentially a case of "first novel syndrome"— the writing was interesting and well-paced. I only wish that I'd actually been in the mood to read it, and that it weren't in the first person point of view because I find that irritating— both of which are personal problems and not the book's fault. It also didn't help that this was the third version of the Taken-plot I've read in the past month. (That was purely accidental, by the way.) But if you don't share my personal problems and you're a fan of action-packed, young adult thrillers drizzled with murder, you'll probably like this book.

There were a few things that pulled me out of the action. They mainly had to do with the aforementioned "first person perspective." That and I find it hard to believe any normal, "soft" 17-year-old could do this kind of stuff: leave the comforts of home only to get her ass handed to her repeatedly until she learns to destroy everything in her path. Still, it made for a good story.

Wait, how is this the red-headed stepchild of the YA genre?

Ah, that... Apparently the author made some disparaging remarks regarding young adult fiction, its writers, and audience in general. Or at least, he made remarks and they were taken very personally by the audience. If you google his name and the name of the book, it's practically the first thing that pops up. I mention this because I think the negative reaction is exaggerated— especially when people are rating the book like crap even if they haven't even read it purely because Bergstrom made some ignorant remarks.

I did receive a free copy of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review.

Dragons of Spring Dawning: The Forgettable One

Have you ever read a book and come out of it feeling as though you've fought with a friend?

Uh oh... What happened?
Unfortunately, not much. That's the problem. I think it's likely that Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman heard what was being said about their previous books and took actions to "remedy the problems," resulting in a bland and anticlimactic third installment. This series has been around since the 80s, but many of the things that I mentioned in my previous reviews have been said before. And I noticed a progression of changes from the first book to the second, and from the second to this one.

In Dragons of Autumn Twilight, I felt as though I were reading the annotations of an actual Dungeons and Dragons game. It was silly, but fun overall. Every time the characters camped for an evening, we knew about it, and that's actually how I imagined we were keeping track of their sessions. Granted, that really slowed things down, but not so much that I didn't enjoy the book. So I picked up Dragons of Winter Night, and again thought, "Silly, but fun!" My favorite parts were the most ridiculous, involving Fizban the Wizard's shenanigans and gnomes that had to cram whole paragraphs in the breath most people use for a single sentence. I enjoyed telling everyone who would listen about the dragon balls and how they worked more like defective dragon siren/whistles. Weiss and Hickman fixed some of the major problems slowing the story down, reduced the amount of Deus ex Machinas used, and kept the silly fun stuff. The second book reached an unpolished sweet spot I believed would terminate in a great third book.

Because third time's the charm, right?
Not quite... Not this time. I suppose the writers intended their story to be more serious, or dramatic. Again, in Dragons of Winter Night, I thought they'd achieved a balance between silly and serious. They even went so far as to kill a main party member and not bring him back! I was proud of them for that! But then, in Dragons of Spring Dawning they took it a step further— they took the fun out of it. All the silly humor is gone— no gnomes, barely any Fizban, and no moments or plotlines so ridiculous I laughed out loud. The writing was never that strong or engaging, and the characters were uninspired. Yet, nothing about the series was ever so bad as to make it stand out, either. It wasn't terrible or great. With all the silly removed, it's vanilla. Actually, at times it was downright irritating. For the better part of the series, the main party leader — Tanis Half-Elven— acted like a moody teenager. Instead of a competent, mature leader able to make split-second decisions that might save the world (or at least his companions), Tanis spends the majority of the book mooning over the villain. Yes, you read that correctly. Tanis, who harbors a major boner for a mercenary named Kitiara, discovers that Kit is a dragon highlord in service to the Queen of Darkness. That makes her the villain of the story.

Does this also make her off-limits?
Hell no! He taps that as soon as he gets a chance! Do I begrudge him this momentary sexual weakness? Maybe a little, but I could totally get over that. My issue with this is that afterwards, when he "escapes" Kitiara's sex-lure and returns to his friends, all he can feel is extreme guilt about his little adventure.

Naturally, he tells his friends where he's been and what he's learned! Right?
HAHAHA—! Wait, you're serious? Of course not! He can't just tell his companions— two of which are Kitiara's younger brothers, by the way— that he's been carousing/boning with the enemy! Never mind the fact that he learned valuable intel that could have helped them in their journey, or that keeping the experience to himself gnawed at his conscience until he was practically useless as a leader. Can you imagine how that conversation would've gone?

Tanis: Hey guys, I learned about this thing the Queen of Darkness really wants! And I know where it is, so we have to get it away from her!
brothers: Really? Tanis, where did you get this information?!
Tanis: From boning your sister. Let's go!
brothers: ... We're going to have a serious conversation about this later, but let's take care of the thing that's likelier to save the world first.

For crying out loud, how hard is it?!

Have you noticed that I have zero patience for whiners and liars? Seriously, how difficult is it to just tell the damn truth?! And the lie and guilt just drag on for so long. God forbid they should excise all the brooding and replace it with something more interesting, or hasten the end of the story.

Speaking of story...?
Yes, moving on! The companions' main quest throughout the book is to find someone known as the "Green Gemstone Man," so called because he has a green gemstone embedded in his chest. I have a different name for this character: Dragonlance Jesus. But not just any dragonlance Jesus! This is Tanis Half-Elven's own, personal dragonlance Jesus, who died and was resurrected to free Tanis from the burden of his lies and guilt. Sound like bullshit? That's because it is. Dragonlance Jesus has spent hundreds of years running from the Queen of Darkness because he is the key she needs in order to enter the world and completely take it over. For hundreds of years and on hundreds of occasions, dragonlance Jesus has died only to come back to life in the same body.

He's a lich! Burn the lich!
Not quite! He's actually blood-cursed after accidentally killing his sister. I believe the gemstone embedded in his chest binds him to the curse, and the only way to break it is to break the gem against the column where his sister died. Then, he is free to stay dead. But until then: Don't worry, Tanis! Go right on ahead and stab green gemstone man through the gut with your sword! Feel better? Oh, good. Because that was totally like stabbing the pimple of your own guilt and squeezing until the pus is gone. Now the throbbing ache of your weakness and lies can subside. You have been redeemed, thanks to an unwilling dragonlance Jesus. How fortuitous!

Oh, come on!

You're right. That's horse shit!
Of course it's horse shit! It was the weirdest, most nonsensical, unenjoyable bit of ridiculousness in the entire book. At that point, I could only be grateful that I borrowed the thing from the library and didn't actually pay money to read it. But I read on, hoping that the final fight with the Queen of Darkness, her dragons, and Kitiara would be epic enough to make up for the sophomoric brooding and whining I'd been subjected to thus far. Our adventurers were down one more character, having lost their useless but lovable grandfather dwarf to a heart attack. That left six fighters against an evil goddess and her armies. What will happen next?! They get caught, obviously. They walked straight into the enemy encampment in an effort to save their elf-maiden general, and they get caught. Sure, they donned disguises first, pretending to be officers of the enemy army with prisoners. But they weren't very good disguises, and all of them but Tanis get tossed into jail and eventually have to break free.

How did they escape?
Honestly? I don't entirely remember; I did mention this was the forgettable one of the series. Not exactly the best way to end things. I believe they escaped using a combination of Deus Ex Machina, misdirection, and tons of dumb luck. They had the green gemstone man with them in prison, and when they break out, so does he. He immediately runs for the place his dead sister is calling him from, finds the column at which he killed her, and flings himself upon it! Thus, dragonlance Jesus finally dies, and the Queen of Darkness has the door of the world slammed in her face. She never even made it into the world, mind you, so the companions never actually had to fight a goddess; only her influence. After that, it was all chaos and shenanigans. I think at that point, the writers stopped caring, and so did I. They built up this antagonist for the entire series, and dumb luck defeats her. We didn't even get an epilogue of some sort about what the characters did afterward.

Overall, I was disappointed with this book. It was less fun than the previous two, more brooding, irritating, and anticlimactic. Weiss and Hickman did leave a few scattered hooks for later books regarding Raistlin and his powers, and I'm curious to find out more about the only truly interesting character in the series. However, after this last installment, I can't say that I'm in a rush to read the other books. I wouldn't recommend this book, unless you really want to find out how the series ends. Or, if you're not a book completionist, let me just tell you that they win. Make up whatever scenario you like for how they do it, and it'll probably be more satisfying than this was.

Kushiel's Chosen a.k.a The One Where True Love is an Ass

So, did you guys run out and read or listen to Kushiel's Dart after my review? I mean, the story was only amazing, so I guess I understand if you didn't prioritize that this week...

Sarcasm? This early in the post?
It's never too early for sarcasm. Besides, I only ask because I somehow managed to not have a ton of spoilers for that book in its review. However, your spoiler-free reviews end now. I'll try to avoid major spoilers for Kushiel's Chosen— the second book in the series— but prepare for some new info from the previous book to crop up. It has to, because there is no way I could review this otherwise! I will do my best to keep it condensed. Oh, and one more thing: since I've been listening to these as audiobooks, I'm not really sure how to spell the characters' names. It'll probably be more weird for me than you, but I just wanted you to know what's going on.

Consider us warned. Carry on!
Very well, then! In Kushiel's Dart, we were introduced to the world of Terre d'Ange. Imagine that angels landed in France and bred with the populace. Due to their celestial ancestry, the d'Angelines (as they call themselves) are considered to be the most beautiful people ever, awash in talents, in a country overfull with richness. This is great for them, of course, but it does make them somewhat conceited. It also makes their country a target for threats, when others want all their beauty, science, and fancy ways. Their religion and culture are centered on the precepts of their main god, Elua, who bid them simply to love as they will. And they do. The d'Angelines have raised love-making to an art form, worthy of being taught, practiced, and used as a means of worship as well as pleasure. Much of what they do, they do for love.

What the hell does "loving as they will" mean?
It means, "you do you." Would you like a plethora of lovers who all know about each other? That's cool. You do you. Want to add some group sex to that? Go for it. Your preference is for monogamy? Or celibacy? To each their own. How about group bondage sex? No problem! Just remember the safe word. Above all: keep it consensual, and love as thou wilt. It makes for some interesting pairings.

I mentioned in the review for Kushiel's Dart that there was political intrigue, fights, monsters, and True Love. When Phaedré nó Delauney is sold into slavery in the previous book, she goes with her bodyguard: a young, celibate, warrior priest named Joslin Verai. Potentially due to the adrenaline-fueled nature of their time together, they fell in love as they escaped captivity. It's all very romantic, but let's stop for a moment and consider the spiritual and mental ramifications for Joslin: after 12 years of rigid, prudish education and training, he breaks every vow he made in order to protect and serve his ward (who just so happens to be the courtesan spy he now loves). There are metric butt-tons of guilt for him to work through, but he manages. He's surly about it sometimes, but he manages. Having given you the barest amount of background I can get away with, we can now move on!

Kushiel's Chosen picks up with the bait left at the end of the previous book. Phaedré is convinced there is a new plot against the queen of Terre d'Ange when she receives a package from Melisande Shahrizai— the woman who sold Phaedré and Joslin into slavery and escaped her death sentence for treason. In an effort to find the truth and locate this dangerous enemy of the state, Phaedré returns to the service of Naamah.

She what now?
Try to keep up. Naamah is the d'Angeline goddess of love. By returning to Naamah's service, Phaedré is practicing her trade as a courtesan. Her ulterior motive, of course, is to glean information from her patrons that could help her locate Melisande and stop her nefarious plots. This is where True Love starts to be an ass. Despite Phaedré's sound reasoning, Joslin disapproves of her plan vehemently. Her return to Naamah's service strains their relationship almost to the breaking point, as neither seems willing to come to a compromise. Actually, that isn't true... Phaedré is willing to compromise with Joslin on many things, and Joslin will compromise on nothing. Though he does not outright leave her, he is often absent and thereby negligent in his duty/vow to protect her.

But you can't expect someone who only believes in monogamy to be okay with having a prostitute for a girlfriend and stick around!
Yes you can. If Monogamy Bob falls in love with Polyamory Sally knowing full well that she's into multiple people, I expect him to suck it up and deal with it. Does he have to like it? No, of course not. He just has to find a way to deal with it. If it doesn't work out, leave. Hence, I totally side with Phaedré in this book. She was always honest with Joslin about who and what she is. She is also well aware of his vows, and how it would hurt him if she tried to solve this mystery Melisande baited her with. She laid everything out in front of him and told him why she had to do it. If he doesn't agree, so be it. But for fuck's sake, dude, pick a bloody side. Work something out, make an agreement of how long this can go on, and then revisit the agreement if you must. Or leave. Instead, Joslin is contantly sulking, and I spent a great deal of time wishing a fictional character were physically in front of me so I could punch him for being such a stubborn mule.

Sounds like you're kinda mad at this dude.
Yes! Because Joslin's vow to protect Phaedré is the reason he won't leave her, but then he is often missing when she needs protection! To make matters worse, he then blames her for going off without an escort. I want so badly to beat the crap out of him! For about two-thirds of the book, anyway. That's when shit hits the fan, Phaedré gets tossed in a foreign prison, and Joslin makes the most daring rescue attempt I've ever read. It might've worked, too, if she hadn't fallen off that cliff!

No way?!
Way! It does take approximately two-thirds of the book to set up, but when that domino effect gets going— it is an insanely satisfying experience. Phaedré hunts for traitors at court, and their trail eventually leads her and her companions to leave Terre d'Ange for the city state of La Serenissima (which is essentially Venice). There she finds her traitors in the last place she ever would have thought to look. That's when she gets tossed in jail and Joslin, finally realizing that he cannot live without her, goes to her rescue— only to have her fall off the side of a cliff. Again, I'm kinda mad at Joslin, but he so makes up for all the crap he pulled from that moment forward. From there on, you just get so excited for them to be reunited! Because she doesn't die, of course.

What?
She doesn't die. I'm just telling you that because you looked scared.

I wasn't scared. I was just concerned.
Sure you were. Well, she doesn't die. She almost dies, having fallen off the side of a cliff and into the sea. Luckily, though, she gets picked up by pirates!

You lie!
No, I'm not making this shit up, I swear! Look, aren't you convinced yet that you just need to go read this book?! I'm afraid that if I were to go into every little detail that makes this such a great book, worthy of being read repeatedly, I would end up writing a series of essays. I haven't even told you guys about her best friend and how she's trying to break the curse he's under, or her men at arms, or the queen she loves enough to get herself into such a mess!

Yes, Kushiel's Chosen does take a little longer than the previous one to get going, but once it does the experience of it is phenomenal. And yes, I know I spent most of this review describing the story in terms of how the main guy is being such a jerk, but only because that's one of the main ways I remember it. I remember it because I love the characters, and I want them to work together and be happy, but then of course we wouldn't have a story. So instead, I'm listening to all of the shenanigans, the intrigue, the web of lies and sex thinking, "I love you guys. I can't wait for you to be happy again."

I'm just going to warn you right now to clear a day or two on your calendar, because it'll be tough to put this down once you get started. It made me laugh, and legitimately wrenched a tear or two from the depths of my little black heart. If you haven't read the previous one, that's actually okay. One of the things that slows the story down some is how it repeatedly touches on some of the things that happened in the previous book. So if you're okay with jumping around in the series and you want to start in the middle, that's okay! You won't be completely lost. And if you've already read the first book, then you're totally set to start on this one. So go on! Get reading! You can thank me later for recommending it.

Stitch 'N Bitch: The Knitter's Handbook

I suck at knitting. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to go beyond the absolute basics— straight knitting needles and square shapes. That isn't for lack of trying, or lack of being informed, though. After falling in love with Stitch 'N Bitch: The Happy Hooker, I was sure that Debbie Stoller's original knitting handbook would be the perfect way to teach myself to knit! I wasn't exactly wrong... But my increased knitting knowledge has not helped me complete complex projects. And why? Because if this book has taught me anything, it's that I need five times the tools and a blood sacrifice to achieve what I could with one crochet hook. But let's pretend for a minute that you're already a knitter and are used to these blood sacrifices.

I keep sheep for this express purpose!
I would keep sheep for the eventual yarn but if you want to play it biblical and keep them handy for blood sacrifices, that's cool too, I guess. You do you.

So, you're already a knitter: Jump into the deep end with 40 knitting projects of varying difficulty! They range from quick scarves and hats to marathon-style, focus-heavy sweaters and blankets. There is even a pattern for a cat bed in here. I find that one amusingly pointless, since my cat would prefer to sleep on a pile of clean clothes or on my face over her own bed any day.

Tools of the trade: Crochet hooks (top left), circular knitting needles
(top right), straight knitting needles, and resource book.

The only thing I found frustrating (and this has more to do with knitting as a craft than with the book) is that I wanted to make some of these hats and they required two or three different types of needles. That means I would need to have between five and seven needles for one project. Is that Debbie Stoller's fault? Or the fault of the designers featured in this book? Absolutely not! I appreciate that they let me know beforehand so I didn't waste my time starting a project that I'd never finish for lack of owning every damn knitting tool on the market. But we're pretending you're already a knitter, so maybe you own all that already. Congratulations! These are some cool-looking projects! My favorites are the different bags. As I was flipping through the book again today, I got the itch to make all of them: backpacks, purses, and totes. They look complex, but are fairly straightforward to make. All patterns contained herein include a briefing on necessary materials, the gauge you should be aiming for, finished size, and best yarns to use. All patterns were screened by a technical editor as well, so they're pretty much guaranteed to work. I certainly haven't found any technical problems with them yet.

What if I'm a complete beginner?
Fear not! This is still a fantastic, beginner-friendly resource book. The beginning half of the book is dedicated to teaching you knitting basics and some additional niceties. One of the things I love about the Stitch 'N Bitch series is how in-depth it goes. While some books will attempt to teach you as they go along with the pattern, Stoller does it all up-front so you can try tackling those tougher projects after some reading. Even if you've never held a pair of knitting needles and yarn, she explains the process in a clear and entertaining manner. You could, of course, just read the portion on how to start your project and jump into the patterns. You can use this book however you damn well please. But I think you'll have an easier time if you actually read some of it first.

You know what else is pretty cool about this? Stoller mentions several different resources within the book to further educate yourself on the subject of knitting! She mentions multiple books, magazines, and websites for additional reading. If you want to shop for fancy yarns at discount prices, she points out the best way to search for them. This book is full of handy tips and tricks for getting the most out of your knitting experience. If you're interested in the craft, I highly recommend checking this book out. It can only make your life— at least the knitting portion of it— easier. Good luck, and happy knitting!

Shenanigans Continued: Dragons of Winter Night

Would you just look at these goofballs? Two of them aren't even facing the right
direction to fight a dragon!

My research into the D&D world and lore continues with the second volume of the Dragonlance Chronicles! Last time, our reticent adventurers faced one dragon, summoned two and a half Deus ex Machinas, and seriously considered putting on their big boy/girl pants before getting to the business of saving the world.


Two and... one half? You hadn't mentioned this before!
Don't worry— the other half shows up in Dragons of Winter Night. I'm not certain what possessed authors Weiss and Hickman to go and kill three separate characters in their previous book, then immediately resurrect two of them. However, I can tell you that it was damn obvious the third one was either not dead or wouldn't stay dead long. And I was right— but this time I was pleased at the "resurrection." Fizban the wizard is a weird and sometimes bumbling character, but he's my favorite and I was happy to see him again— despite receiving ZERO explanation as to how or why he shows up again. One of the other characters literally just stumbles across him midway through the book— he was taking a nap in an out of the way corner of a dragon's lair— and they have this "moment."

Like a sweet and romantic moment?
Nope! It ran a little something like this:
Tas: F-Fizban!
Fizban: WHERE?! ...wait, isn't he dead?
Tas: That's what I thought! I saw you fall in a flurry of chicken feathers!
Fizban: Chicken feathers? How dreadful!
Tas: I wanted to go back and find your body, but was assured there was no point— but your memorial was beautiful!
Fizban: I didn't realize I'd kicked the bucket... Was there a twenty-one gun salute?
Tas: What's a gun?

It went on like that for a few pages. Yes, it made that much sense. What this series does unexpectedly well is ridiculously random little details of the "what the fuck?" variety. Those are the best parts of the story, and they are not the main ones. I believe these are the unplanned, role play portions of the book. A group of weirdos got together, had fun, and this series is the result.

So it still feels like a series of dice rolls gone right?
That feeling is drastically reduced in Dragons of Winter Night. The story flows considerably smoother, even though our heroes have been split up into two groups. Each group seeks the ultimate weapon to combat the oncoming dragon threat. At first, it seems that they all must get together and discover the truth behind the mythical dragonlances— the only weapon thought to be strong enough to penetrate a dragon's hide. But then we find out that those aren't the only or most important weapon.

What IS then?

Dragon balls. Our heroes spend nearly the entirety of the story searching for orbs made by the most powerful of wizards in previous ages. Any one of these dragon balls—so called because they've been imbued with the essence of dragons— will summon all dragonkin in the near vicinity because reasons. We are not privy to what these reasons are. The dragons cannot refuse the siren call of the orbs. This seems a terrible idea, given that the balls don't actually control the dragons; just call them over. Why not just get a dragon whistle? Or some dragon pheromones? No, instead they go through all the trouble to find these rare dragon balls that they can't even use without losing their minds.

Does that count as spoilers?
Have you learned nothing from my reviews? Nothing is sacred! Besides, I'm not revealing more than the chapter titles do. You can get a fair idea of what will happen in the story simply from reading the chapter titles. Each one gives you a "preview" of what happens therein. For example, in one chapter, an elf king named Lorac tries to use a dragon ball to save his land. "What will happen next?!" I wondered to myself. I didn't wonder long, for the first thing I read on the next page was, "Visions shared. The Death of Lorac." Weiss and Hickman: Scheherazade they are not.

Are you sure you're enjoying these books?
I am, I promise! They're only a little frustrating sometimes— when they slow down for their little romances or give away what's going to happen in the chapter title. The random banter between characters is entertaining, and the storytelling has smoothed. Overall, the experience is improved. So I can recommend Dragons of Winter Night more than the previous book! Go check it out!

The Water-Saving Garden: Because weather doesn't always happen in California

Fun fact: the state of California has every type of climate in the world except for tropical. Pretty cool, huh? That means if you travel a few hours in any direction, you'll find yourself in a different climate than where you started without even needing to leave the state. Unfortunately, for the last several years, we've been suffering through a severe drought. This makes me nervous: I've never wanted to live in the desert. My favorite color is green, not brown, and I love playing in water. So water conservation is high on my list of priorities. The Water-Saving Garden, by Pam Penick, is a book I picked up for free from Blogging for Books (in exchange for a fair and honest review), in the hopes of cultivating a kick-ass garden without wasting water. Let me tell you a thing or five about what I've learned...

The Water-Saving Garden is broken up into five different parts: inspiration, retaining water, planting, making you see things that aren't there, and recommended plants. That is a lot to pack into one book, but Penick does a great job of it. The inspiration portion features multiple gardens and highlights the different features that make them drought resistant. This portion is more photos than text, but it's a great way to start— giving you ideas as to what is possible.

My favorite parts in this book are probably the second part and third parts: retaining and planting. Basically: plan your garden. Before reading this book, I hadn't thought that planning a garden was more than deciding what plants to put in the ground or where I would place them relative to each other. That is certainly part of it, but you also want to consider how you can make it an inviting or relaxing space to be in, how you're going to water it, and how you can retain the maximum amount of rainfall on your property. Are you interested in holding rainwater to use during dry spells? There's a section for that in this book. What about preventing that rain from just going down the gutter and instead replenishing the ground water? That's in here too! I want to say that the basic premise of this book is: don't just reduce the amount of water you throw outside from your taps. Tap into the water that's already in the ground!

Thirdly, a chance to get dirty: Plant your garden!

So now you have a bunch of cacti planted in your yard so you won't have to water them?

Actually, right now I have a patch of dirt that needs to be cleared of debris. But to your insinuation that I would have a yard full of cacti I say, “Hah!” And no. While cacti and other succulents are certainly water thrifty plants, they are absolutely not the only choice available if you want to conserve water in your garden. You know what isn't really a choice in this type of garden? Lawns.

Lawns are the Humvees of the plant world —they're resource guzzlers, require a lot of time and maintenance, and don't look all that great anyway.

GASP! How can you say that about lawns?! It's the American way!

I know a lot of people picture a house with a white picket fence and a beautiful lawn as an integral part of the American dream but I think we can do better. There are other ways of doing things! And like it or not, the fact remains that during a drought, your lawn is going to wither and die because the roots just don't grow deep enough. They require a lot of water, you have to mow them frequently, they get weedy if you blink at them — they are just a lot more work than they're worth. If your main goal is to conserve water: lose the lawn. If you can't bear to lose the lawn, reduce it. If you decide to install artificial turf, lose my number.

Wanna tell us how you really feel about fake grass?

That's a post for a different day and a different blog. My point is that lawn is boring, lacks creativity, and takes a lot of effort for not much pay-off. There are alternative grasses and ground covers available to create visual interest, that thrive on less water, and give you an open green space if that's what you're after. There are wildflowers, trees, shrubs, and ground covers that are drought hardy. It doesn't have to all be about cacti or other succulents: we have options if we take the time to find them. I suppose that's the biggest deterrent for a lot of people having a garden instead of a lawn. You can set a lawn down and it looks like a lawn right away, but it takes more maintenance time later on. It might take you more time upfront to plan and set up a drought-hardy garden, but it will mostly take care of itself afterward. After all, it's meant to thrive on the amount of water that falls from the sky instead of you hosing it down.

What about this “making you see things that aren't there” section?

The section is actually about creating the illusion of water where there may not be any. This can be achieved by using stones, cascading plants, a simple water feature, etc. — anything that evokes an image of lakes, the sea, or other water by using plants.

The final section in this book is dedicated to 101 plants for water-saving gardens. Because like puppies, 100 just isn't enough. Gotta throw in that extra one.

And there you have it! The Water-Saving Garden: How to grow a gorgeous garden with a lot less water by Pam Penick is 223 pages of beautifully illustrated advice on how to grow a garden while conserving resources. If you have any aspirations toward creating an inviting outdoor space, I highly recommend it!

My Crochet Doll: A picture book with patterns

Check me out on Amazon!

Once upon a time, in a strange, faraway land known as "JoAnns Fabric Store," I came across a charming crochet book featuring a simple doll with practically no nose, no mouth, and a delightfully detailed outfit. Intrigued, I snatched the book off the shelf and flipped through its contents.
"Hello, Kitty," I purred at the pages, for clearly our no-nose heroine's name is Katherine, "Why don't you tell me about yourself?"
Having thus acquired several weird looks for the day and no verbal response from the book, I continued my monologue at home after purchasing My Crochet Doll. Sixty pages worth of photos later, I finally found the patterns Isabelle Kessedjian promised. Despite my potentially misleading title (in which you might think that a picture book with patterns is a bad thing), I am quite in love with this book! Sixty pages of pictures goes a long way in showing you what is possible before actually teaching you how to do anything.

But it does show you how to make things, doesn't it?
YES! Okay, this would normally be the point where I start showing off some of the stuff that I've made while using the patterns in the book.
... I have a small confession to make.
       I have owned this book for over a year, and have yet to make anything from it.

GASP OF HORROR!
Don't judge me too harshly, I beg you! Thing is that, for as beautiful as the illustrations are, and convinced as I am that the patterns are sound, there has been something deterring me from just jumping in and making a beautiful crochet doll of my own. The patterns use the European abbreviations for crochet. European abbreviations are a bit odd to my American eyes. How can you call a single crochet a double, and then expect a half double to mean-- Okay, maybe you're not as interested in my tech-gibberish at the moment. That's fine. Moving on! The second deterrent is that the yarn the author uses is a lighter weight than what I normally work with. I believe she uses a weight 3 (or sport weight), while I use weight 4 (medium worsted a.k.a The Yarn EVERYONE Uses). Ultimately, that's going to make the patterns come out a little different. I like making one just how the pattern says for my first try, to figure out any quirks beforehand. Then I go crazy with it, adding or subtracting details as I see fit. But no matter what I do, my end product is going to end up different or a bit off because I'm not about to go out and buy more yarn until I've finished with what I've got. And if you saw the size of my stash, you'd see that's going to be quite a long time.

Enough excuses! What can you tell us about the patterns?!
Well, do you like weird? If you're still reading this, I'm going to go with "Duh, I like weird."
Okay, so you like weird.
This book... has a pattern... to make underwear for your doll. Not even joking. Honest to goodness, you can make cute little undies for your amigurumi. You can also make: shoes, pajamas, overalls, a superhero outfit (which is ultimately why I bought the book), a fancy dress, tiny cakes, and many other things! It's freaking adorable! And that's not even mentioning all the different little accessories that you can add to your new playmate. Ms. Kessedjian also mentions how to make a variety of hairstyles using different types of yarn, from regular 4-ply to wool. She talks about giving your doll additional personality with bits of wire (perhaps adding glasses to the doll) and other scrap materials. The funny thing is that, despite my insistence on making the first doll be "just like the author's" to get a feel for things, the author actually points out that the doll in this book is hers and she highly encourages the reader to make their own. Change the color! Give her different hair, or some glasses, or a different outfit, or mix-and-match with what's available in the book and beyond! Go crazy with it from the beginning! The important thing is to have fun. At the end, what you've made will be your crochet doll.

So that's pretty much all I've got to say about that. I highly recommend this book. At least check it out. Just remember, the abbreviations are different in this than in a book from a U.S. author. That being said, there is a little section (as in most of these books) that goes over the technical aspects of crochet: what the abbreviations are, what they mean, how to make the stitches, and the difference between U.S. and U.K. terminology and what the heck they mean by each.

I enjoyed the format of the book. The illustrations were gorgeous, and it was pleasant to simply flip through the pictures first and then have the patterns at the end. This may not be the best book for the absolute beginner. I recommend already knowing your basic stitches (chain, single stitch, slip stitch, etc) prior to picking this one up because there are no illustrations demonstrating how to get that started or hold the yarn. You're going to be awfully frustrated if you don't know how to hold your yarn and you try just going at this. Well, who knows... You might actually be a prodigy. But for those of us who aren't prodigies, it can get frustrating if you don't already have an idea of what you're doing.

Some day, I may share with you pictures of My Crochet Doll... but in the meantime, I hope you have fun with your own!

Quick Update: Doctor Who Big Bang Generation

I tried to get into this book. I really did. But after several weeks of slowly picking at it, I've made it halfway through the story and I just can't get myself to care about the characters or the plot. It's a fairly short book, and I'm not entirely certain where the problem lays.

• I like Dr. Who, but I don't live and breathe for the show. Maybe I'm not a big enough fan?
• I haven't watched much of the show beyond when David Tennant was the Doctor. Maybe I'm not caught up enough? This story has the newest Doctor in it and he doesn't show up for almost half of the book.
• Maybe I only like watching the show, instead of trying to read about wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey stuff. 

Whatever the case, I've made it halfway through and I still don't care, so I can't imagine it's going to get much better. I'll finish it, because I'm a completionist, but it'll be like eating your least favorite vegetable because you're just so used to cleaning off your plate. Doable, but not enjoyable. That being said, it isn't terrible, either. So don't be completely discouraged from trying this one out if you love the series. I think maybe it just wasn't for me.

This review is based on a free copy I received from Blogging for Books in exchange for a fair and honest review.

P.S. Last Minute Notes!

1. I will be off on vacation for the next view weeks, so there won't be any updates through most of January. Sorry!
2. I'm aware that my blog is doing strange and kooky things with this post. I don't know why. Several attempts to fix it have failed. Again, I'm sorry.
3. I'm going to try to finish this book and have a proper review for it next time, so stay tuned!

And that's it! See you guys next year! Happy New Year!

Quick and Dirty: Owls

Owls as far as the eye
can see...

Pssst... Hey, guys! Look what I found! Another coloring book! I'm gonna review it!

Stephanie from Reading with Cupcakes recommended this to me a while back and, like a bad friend, I initially dismissed it. You see, while Owls appeared to be a cute book, it didn't have the level of minute detail that Lost Ocean or The Time Garden did. At least that's what I wrongly assumed... It doesn't have a cute little story to follow through the book, or myriads of hidden treasures to find and keep track of. It does, however, feature a myriad of owls with chaotic-creative backgrounds that beg to be colored in experimental and offbeat ways.

Story time!

Last weekend, I had a few friends over for tea. Since it was the first weekend of December, I figured we were close enough to Christmas to just go ahead and give them their gifts which happened to be coloring books (both from Creative Haven) and colored pencils (Crayola, of course). Our tea party thus included coloring, and I busted out Lost Ocean and my own colored pencils. Maybe two hours into this, one friend has colored three pages (she had markers, so could lay down color faster), my other friend had made excellent progress on her own page, and I was bogged down in all the tiny details of one part of my beautiful page. The rest of my page remained fairly white. Several days later, I'm still working on that single page. The moral of the story is, sometimes when you want to finish something, simplicity is key. So I went out and got myself Owls. And it's not that it's simple, really, so much as the details you're coloring are somewhat bigger and therefore you can lay color down a bit faster. Macro-coloring, as opposed to micro-coloring.

 

Another nice aspect to these books is that you can use markers with impunity! Remember how I mentioned my friend who blasted through three different pages in two hours? (The pages looked great, by the way!) She used markers, and made me super jealous. The markers bled through the backs of the page, but not on to the following page. Since all the pages in the book are one sided, it worked out! Did I mention that all the pages are tear-aways as well? So if you really like how you brought out that one thing's personality with your amazing coloring skills, you can take the page out, frame it, and show it off.

Overall, I like this book. I would recommend it to everyone. I'm using it to practice my coloring and blending, but if you just need something to chill with this is a great book to do it with. Enjoy, and happy coloring!

Unrelated to coloring note:

The last couple of weeks I shared with you some of my favorite crochet books along with examples of some things I've made. This week, I would like to briefly point out that some of those things are available for sale on my new Storenvy shop! Woohoo! So if you're curious about what else I may have made or you'd like a quirky toy or hat of your very own, please check out DapperFuzz on Storenvy. Thanks again and see you next week!

The Immortal Circus by A.R. Kahler

The Immortal Circus by A.R. Kahler
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I have conflicting feelings regarding this book. So conflicting that I changed my rating of it at least three times within the last several days, though it stayed well within the "I didn't HATE it, I just didn't like it" range. It was okay.

I finished reading it, and I read the second one, and now I'm actually reading the final book in the series, so you might think to yourself, "Well, you must have liked it!" Let's be clear: it was readable, although painful to get through at times. It is written in that style that is seldom done well: the first person present narrative. It was not done well. The main character is practically a blank slate throughout the book that you can project your own feelings of confusion at. She typically has little to add to the story, despite the fact that it's supposed to be all about her. It contained more than a few cliches, such as: main character has amnesia, main character running away from her past, characters being described as "perfect" or "sexy" with few additional details so you can imprint whatever you want on them, etc. Probably the most annoying part of the book is that you are attached to the narrator and the narrator knows little about what's going on. Hence, the reader is attached to a whiny, untalented, unremarkable girl somewhere between the ages of 16 and 21 who is as focused (if not more so) on having the hots for the magician as she is on the inexplicable murders happening within a circus where everyone is supposed to be immortal. Did I mention that Vivienne, our heroine, hardly emotes except to moon over her magician? I mean it. People are dying, she's being hit over the head with magic, she discovers that she and most others at the circus have magic powers, but whatever. It's just Tuesday.

"This book sounds TERRIBLE! Why would you say it's okay?"
It's like a pumpkin spice latte: good in theory, but a gastric disaster in execution. The concept is what drew me in to begin with. I was lured in by the promise of an impossible murder mystery in an immortal circus surrounded by fairies. Sadly, the execution was lacking. The best parts of this book were the backgrounds and background characters. The fairies, the magic, the settings were all fantastic. A.R. Kahler can actually give some decent descriptions about the circus, the fairies, and how the fairies are generally going to be dicks to all humans. They're dark, and I found that wonderful. I wanted the story to be more about them. And that is why I found this book to be only "okay" instead of dreadful or enjoyable. I obtained enough glimpses of the dark, deadly, dickish fairies to keep me engaged until the end of the book, though just barely.

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