Kushiel's Chosen a.k.a The One Where True Love is an Ass

So, did you guys run out and read or listen to Kushiel's Dart after my review? I mean, the story was only amazing, so I guess I understand if you didn't prioritize that this week...

Sarcasm? This early in the post?
It's never too early for sarcasm. Besides, I only ask because I somehow managed to not have a ton of spoilers for that book in its review. However, your spoiler-free reviews end now. I'll try to avoid major spoilers for Kushiel's Chosen— the second book in the series— but prepare for some new info from the previous book to crop up. It has to, because there is no way I could review this otherwise! I will do my best to keep it condensed. Oh, and one more thing: since I've been listening to these as audiobooks, I'm not really sure how to spell the characters' names. It'll probably be more weird for me than you, but I just wanted you to know what's going on.

Consider us warned. Carry on!
Very well, then! In Kushiel's Dart, we were introduced to the world of Terre d'Ange. Imagine that angels landed in France and bred with the populace. Due to their celestial ancestry, the d'Angelines (as they call themselves) are considered to be the most beautiful people ever, awash in talents, in a country overfull with richness. This is great for them, of course, but it does make them somewhat conceited. It also makes their country a target for threats, when others want all their beauty, science, and fancy ways. Their religion and culture are centered on the precepts of their main god, Elua, who bid them simply to love as they will. And they do. The d'Angelines have raised love-making to an art form, worthy of being taught, practiced, and used as a means of worship as well as pleasure. Much of what they do, they do for love.

What the hell does "loving as they will" mean?
It means, "you do you." Would you like a plethora of lovers who all know about each other? That's cool. You do you. Want to add some group sex to that? Go for it. Your preference is for monogamy? Or celibacy? To each their own. How about group bondage sex? No problem! Just remember the safe word. Above all: keep it consensual, and love as thou wilt. It makes for some interesting pairings.

I mentioned in the review for Kushiel's Dart that there was political intrigue, fights, monsters, and True Love. When Phaedré nó Delauney is sold into slavery in the previous book, she goes with her bodyguard: a young, celibate, warrior priest named Joslin Verai. Potentially due to the adrenaline-fueled nature of their time together, they fell in love as they escaped captivity. It's all very romantic, but let's stop for a moment and consider the spiritual and mental ramifications for Joslin: after 12 years of rigid, prudish education and training, he breaks every vow he made in order to protect and serve his ward (who just so happens to be the courtesan spy he now loves). There are metric butt-tons of guilt for him to work through, but he manages. He's surly about it sometimes, but he manages. Having given you the barest amount of background I can get away with, we can now move on!

Kushiel's Chosen picks up with the bait left at the end of the previous book. Phaedré is convinced there is a new plot against the queen of Terre d'Ange when she receives a package from Melisande Shahrizai— the woman who sold Phaedré and Joslin into slavery and escaped her death sentence for treason. In an effort to find the truth and locate this dangerous enemy of the state, Phaedré returns to the service of Naamah.

She what now?
Try to keep up. Naamah is the d'Angeline goddess of love. By returning to Naamah's service, Phaedré is practicing her trade as a courtesan. Her ulterior motive, of course, is to glean information from her patrons that could help her locate Melisande and stop her nefarious plots. This is where True Love starts to be an ass. Despite Phaedré's sound reasoning, Joslin disapproves of her plan vehemently. Her return to Naamah's service strains their relationship almost to the breaking point, as neither seems willing to come to a compromise. Actually, that isn't true... Phaedré is willing to compromise with Joslin on many things, and Joslin will compromise on nothing. Though he does not outright leave her, he is often absent and thereby negligent in his duty/vow to protect her.

But you can't expect someone who only believes in monogamy to be okay with having a prostitute for a girlfriend and stick around!
Yes you can. If Monogamy Bob falls in love with Polyamory Sally knowing full well that she's into multiple people, I expect him to suck it up and deal with it. Does he have to like it? No, of course not. He just has to find a way to deal with it. If it doesn't work out, leave. Hence, I totally side with Phaedré in this book. She was always honest with Joslin about who and what she is. She is also well aware of his vows, and how it would hurt him if she tried to solve this mystery Melisande baited her with. She laid everything out in front of him and told him why she had to do it. If he doesn't agree, so be it. But for fuck's sake, dude, pick a bloody side. Work something out, make an agreement of how long this can go on, and then revisit the agreement if you must. Or leave. Instead, Joslin is contantly sulking, and I spent a great deal of time wishing a fictional character were physically in front of me so I could punch him for being such a stubborn mule.

Sounds like you're kinda mad at this dude.
Yes! Because Joslin's vow to protect Phaedré is the reason he won't leave her, but then he is often missing when she needs protection! To make matters worse, he then blames her for going off without an escort. I want so badly to beat the crap out of him! For about two-thirds of the book, anyway. That's when shit hits the fan, Phaedré gets tossed in a foreign prison, and Joslin makes the most daring rescue attempt I've ever read. It might've worked, too, if she hadn't fallen off that cliff!

No way?!
Way! It does take approximately two-thirds of the book to set up, but when that domino effect gets going— it is an insanely satisfying experience. Phaedré hunts for traitors at court, and their trail eventually leads her and her companions to leave Terre d'Ange for the city state of La Serenissima (which is essentially Venice). There she finds her traitors in the last place she ever would have thought to look. That's when she gets tossed in jail and Joslin, finally realizing that he cannot live without her, goes to her rescue— only to have her fall off the side of a cliff. Again, I'm kinda mad at Joslin, but he so makes up for all the crap he pulled from that moment forward. From there on, you just get so excited for them to be reunited! Because she doesn't die, of course.

What?
She doesn't die. I'm just telling you that because you looked scared.

I wasn't scared. I was just concerned.
Sure you were. Well, she doesn't die. She almost dies, having fallen off the side of a cliff and into the sea. Luckily, though, she gets picked up by pirates!

You lie!
No, I'm not making this shit up, I swear! Look, aren't you convinced yet that you just need to go read this book?! I'm afraid that if I were to go into every little detail that makes this such a great book, worthy of being read repeatedly, I would end up writing a series of essays. I haven't even told you guys about her best friend and how she's trying to break the curse he's under, or her men at arms, or the queen she loves enough to get herself into such a mess!

Yes, Kushiel's Chosen does take a little longer than the previous one to get going, but once it does the experience of it is phenomenal. And yes, I know I spent most of this review describing the story in terms of how the main guy is being such a jerk, but only because that's one of the main ways I remember it. I remember it because I love the characters, and I want them to work together and be happy, but then of course we wouldn't have a story. So instead, I'm listening to all of the shenanigans, the intrigue, the web of lies and sex thinking, "I love you guys. I can't wait for you to be happy again."

I'm just going to warn you right now to clear a day or two on your calendar, because it'll be tough to put this down once you get started. It made me laugh, and legitimately wrenched a tear or two from the depths of my little black heart. If you haven't read the previous one, that's actually okay. One of the things that slows the story down some is how it repeatedly touches on some of the things that happened in the previous book. So if you're okay with jumping around in the series and you want to start in the middle, that's okay! You won't be completely lost. And if you've already read the first book, then you're totally set to start on this one. So go on! Get reading! You can thank me later for recommending it.

Edward's Menagerie: Birds!

My youngest brother loves birds, and I love making things. So when I came across Edward's Menagerie: Birds by Kerry Lord on Amazon and saw that they were having a book sale, I made a deal with my dear bro. If he got me the book for Christmas, I would make him a bird for his birthday. Well, he kept up his side of the bargain, and I became the proud owner of this avian themed collection of patterns. Then, of course, my schedule blew up and I've yet to start the toucan I promised him. His birthday was four months ago.

Worst. Sister. Ever.
Yeah, I know. But he'll get his toucan! I just hope he names it something more interesting than Kerry Lord named hers. All of the birds in this book have their own names and little bios stuffed full of personality. It's disgustingly adorable, for the most part. But then you get to the toucan, and the description was so prissy it actually turned me off to the entire pattern. Since all of the patterns have little bios, though, I think this could also work as a little children's book. Not the kind that you hand to itty-bitties to tug on, but you could read it to them and show off the pictures. Or, even better, make the toy and then tell them the pre-made story behind it!

Beyond that, there are some things you should know before you go out and buy this book...

1. All the patterns are written with European abbreviations. I know this is a deal-breaker for some people, but the European abbreviations don't make it incomprehensible. Additionally, Lord even points out in a couple of sections what the U.S. equivalents are for what she's talking about.
2. The birds are sorted into three levels of difficulty, so if you're a complete beginner you can start at level 1 and if you feel the need for a challenge you can jump to level 3. I think you could make all the patterns with only a little experience and some tenacity.
3. The patterns are split in different parts throughout the book: standard forms, levels 1-3 birds, and technicals. So if you wanted to make Ina the Stork (level 1), it bids you to start the body, neck, head, and wings from the standard forms. The pattern for the legs and beak are on the same page as Ina's bio. To put it all together, you would refer to the "technicals" section; that covers all the additional little details.
4. Of the 40 patterns listed in the book, there are 3 distinct: owls, penguins, and chickens. Think about that. You don't just get an owl, or a penguin, or a chicken. You get a barn owl (and 2 other subspecies buddies), an emperor penguin (and buddies), and a silkie chicken (plus a regular hen and a rooster). That's just cool.

If you appreciate birds, attention to detail, and some realism in your toys, I would highly recommend Edward's Menagerie: Birds. Even if you're a complete beginner, you can find something here that would be satisfying and fun to make. The patterns look solid, and the directions for all of the toys are "baby friendly" (none of them use extra little bits like buttons that babies and younger children might choke on). As always with crafting books, I recommend getting the print version of this book— especially given how the patterns are separated in the different sections. So have fun with it, guys!

P.S.
I hope I'll have an opportunity to show off my brother's toucan soon, along with a blue-footed booby for good measure. Because how could I resist making a booby or two?

Commute Saver: Kushiel's Dart

If you have kept up with my blog, you may remember that I have a long commute that I absolutely hate. I listen to audio-books to make it bearable, but for a month or more I kept forgetting to swap out what I had available. Luckily for all the drivers I share the road with, I finally swapped out Stephen King's The Shining for something less likely to fuel a deadly, maddening rage: Kushiel's Dart, by Jacqueline Carey.

First things first: this book is amazing. The whole series is phenomenal, actually. This isn't the first time I've listened to it, and it's a wonderful experience every time. I mean that to the point where I might sit in my car for a few minutes longer after I get home just for a bit more story. I've been taking long walks the past few days— despite the high temperatures— just to have an excuse to immerse myself in the world of Terre d'Ange longer. This is due in part to the writing, of course. But before I get to the story, I want to point out that the voice actress for this series— Anne Flosnik— has a beautiful and captivating voice. I can, and do, listen to her for hours. It's a little like listening to a long-time friend tell me about her adventures as a super sexy spy.

Begging your pardon?

Well, that's the gist of the story. Phaedre nó Delauney is a courtesan, trained as much to observe and analyze behavior as in the arts of pleasure. When Phaedre's bond-master is slain and she— along with her bodyguard companion— are sold into slavery in a hostile country, they must pool their resources (wits and talents) to escape captivity, return home, stop a war, and save their monarch from certain death. On the off-chance that you are not yet convinced you must read this book, I add this: there are sex scenes and they are beautifully balanced. There are not too many of them, but not too few, with enough flowery writing not to make it seem vulgar, yet let you know exactly what is happening. They are hot and— like Goldilocks' bed— just right.

Actually, I daresay it's unfair to refer to the sex scenes as "just right," when the entire story hits a phenomenal sweet spot. My favorite part about this package is probably the complexity of the characters. Phaedre's beautiful face and often submissive demeanor hide a cunning mind capable of matching wits with Moriarty-esque antagonists. She is often underestimated, and she uses that to her advantage. But she is also rebellious and proud, which lands her in deep waters with deadly undertows of trouble. Even the side characters have feelings, traits, and multiple drives. I often see the intellect and talents of side characters compromised to make the protagonist appear smarter and more capable. Personally, I consider that to be lazy writing, and am happy to report that you will not find that in this book. But you will find fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, True Love, and miracles...

To sum up, Kushiel's Dart is an amazing beginning to an epic series. It makes me squeal with unabashed delight, and I recommend it to anyone who will listen. Now you know you need to read it. Will you read it or listen to it on audio? You won't be sorry, either way.

Stitch 'N Bitch: The Knitter's Handbook

I suck at knitting. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to go beyond the absolute basics— straight knitting needles and square shapes. That isn't for lack of trying, or lack of being informed, though. After falling in love with Stitch 'N Bitch: The Happy Hooker, I was sure that Debbie Stoller's original knitting handbook would be the perfect way to teach myself to knit! I wasn't exactly wrong... But my increased knitting knowledge has not helped me complete complex projects. And why? Because if this book has taught me anything, it's that I need five times the tools and a blood sacrifice to achieve what I could with one crochet hook. But let's pretend for a minute that you're already a knitter and are used to these blood sacrifices.

I keep sheep for this express purpose!
I would keep sheep for the eventual yarn but if you want to play it biblical and keep them handy for blood sacrifices, that's cool too, I guess. You do you.

So, you're already a knitter: Jump into the deep end with 40 knitting projects of varying difficulty! They range from quick scarves and hats to marathon-style, focus-heavy sweaters and blankets. There is even a pattern for a cat bed in here. I find that one amusingly pointless, since my cat would prefer to sleep on a pile of clean clothes or on my face over her own bed any day.

Tools of the trade: Crochet hooks (top left), circular knitting needles
(top right), straight knitting needles, and resource book.

The only thing I found frustrating (and this has more to do with knitting as a craft than with the book) is that I wanted to make some of these hats and they required two or three different types of needles. That means I would need to have between five and seven needles for one project. Is that Debbie Stoller's fault? Or the fault of the designers featured in this book? Absolutely not! I appreciate that they let me know beforehand so I didn't waste my time starting a project that I'd never finish for lack of owning every damn knitting tool on the market. But we're pretending you're already a knitter, so maybe you own all that already. Congratulations! These are some cool-looking projects! My favorites are the different bags. As I was flipping through the book again today, I got the itch to make all of them: backpacks, purses, and totes. They look complex, but are fairly straightforward to make. All patterns contained herein include a briefing on necessary materials, the gauge you should be aiming for, finished size, and best yarns to use. All patterns were screened by a technical editor as well, so they're pretty much guaranteed to work. I certainly haven't found any technical problems with them yet.

What if I'm a complete beginner?
Fear not! This is still a fantastic, beginner-friendly resource book. The beginning half of the book is dedicated to teaching you knitting basics and some additional niceties. One of the things I love about the Stitch 'N Bitch series is how in-depth it goes. While some books will attempt to teach you as they go along with the pattern, Stoller does it all up-front so you can try tackling those tougher projects after some reading. Even if you've never held a pair of knitting needles and yarn, she explains the process in a clear and entertaining manner. You could, of course, just read the portion on how to start your project and jump into the patterns. You can use this book however you damn well please. But I think you'll have an easier time if you actually read some of it first.

You know what else is pretty cool about this? Stoller mentions several different resources within the book to further educate yourself on the subject of knitting! She mentions multiple books, magazines, and websites for additional reading. If you want to shop for fancy yarns at discount prices, she points out the best way to search for them. This book is full of handy tips and tricks for getting the most out of your knitting experience. If you're interested in the craft, I highly recommend checking this book out. It can only make your life— at least the knitting portion of it— easier. Good luck, and happy knitting!

Shenanigans Continued: Dragons of Winter Night

Would you just look at these goofballs? Two of them aren't even facing the right
direction to fight a dragon!

My research into the D&D world and lore continues with the second volume of the Dragonlance Chronicles! Last time, our reticent adventurers faced one dragon, summoned two and a half Deus ex Machinas, and seriously considered putting on their big boy/girl pants before getting to the business of saving the world.


Two and... one half? You hadn't mentioned this before!
Don't worry— the other half shows up in Dragons of Winter Night. I'm not certain what possessed authors Weiss and Hickman to go and kill three separate characters in their previous book, then immediately resurrect two of them. However, I can tell you that it was damn obvious the third one was either not dead or wouldn't stay dead long. And I was right— but this time I was pleased at the "resurrection." Fizban the wizard is a weird and sometimes bumbling character, but he's my favorite and I was happy to see him again— despite receiving ZERO explanation as to how or why he shows up again. One of the other characters literally just stumbles across him midway through the book— he was taking a nap in an out of the way corner of a dragon's lair— and they have this "moment."

Like a sweet and romantic moment?
Nope! It ran a little something like this:
Tas: F-Fizban!
Fizban: WHERE?! ...wait, isn't he dead?
Tas: That's what I thought! I saw you fall in a flurry of chicken feathers!
Fizban: Chicken feathers? How dreadful!
Tas: I wanted to go back and find your body, but was assured there was no point— but your memorial was beautiful!
Fizban: I didn't realize I'd kicked the bucket... Was there a twenty-one gun salute?
Tas: What's a gun?

It went on like that for a few pages. Yes, it made that much sense. What this series does unexpectedly well is ridiculously random little details of the "what the fuck?" variety. Those are the best parts of the story, and they are not the main ones. I believe these are the unplanned, role play portions of the book. A group of weirdos got together, had fun, and this series is the result.

So it still feels like a series of dice rolls gone right?
That feeling is drastically reduced in Dragons of Winter Night. The story flows considerably smoother, even though our heroes have been split up into two groups. Each group seeks the ultimate weapon to combat the oncoming dragon threat. At first, it seems that they all must get together and discover the truth behind the mythical dragonlances— the only weapon thought to be strong enough to penetrate a dragon's hide. But then we find out that those aren't the only or most important weapon.

What IS then?

Dragon balls. Our heroes spend nearly the entirety of the story searching for orbs made by the most powerful of wizards in previous ages. Any one of these dragon balls—so called because they've been imbued with the essence of dragons— will summon all dragonkin in the near vicinity because reasons. We are not privy to what these reasons are. The dragons cannot refuse the siren call of the orbs. This seems a terrible idea, given that the balls don't actually control the dragons; just call them over. Why not just get a dragon whistle? Or some dragon pheromones? No, instead they go through all the trouble to find these rare dragon balls that they can't even use without losing their minds.

Does that count as spoilers?
Have you learned nothing from my reviews? Nothing is sacred! Besides, I'm not revealing more than the chapter titles do. You can get a fair idea of what will happen in the story simply from reading the chapter titles. Each one gives you a "preview" of what happens therein. For example, in one chapter, an elf king named Lorac tries to use a dragon ball to save his land. "What will happen next?!" I wondered to myself. I didn't wonder long, for the first thing I read on the next page was, "Visions shared. The Death of Lorac." Weiss and Hickman: Scheherazade they are not.

Are you sure you're enjoying these books?
I am, I promise! They're only a little frustrating sometimes— when they slow down for their little romances or give away what's going to happen in the chapter title. The random banter between characters is entertaining, and the storytelling has smoothed. Overall, the experience is improved. So I can recommend Dragons of Winter Night more than the previous book! Go check it out!

Challenge Mode: ON

As you may recall from a previous post (if you're keeping track), I mentioned that I will be heading to StocktonCon on August 20th and 21st. Last year, I did very well at this convention, so I have high hopes of repeating that success this year! Of course, that'll never happen unless I set high goals, sooooo...

Behold: My goal!

It's a box...
Yes, an empty box! And, to be fair, it isn't even all that big. My goal is to fill this box twice before StocktonCon with all sorts of crochet goodies. I'm thinking an assortment of hats, gloves, and amigurumi ought to do it. I've already gotten started, but items will make it into the box as they are completed (all loose tails tucked in, faces made, ready to go home). I have project ADHD, hence why this box is still empty. I probably have five jellyfish amigurumi and multiple sets of gloves that are in "finishing stages" limbo.

Okay, given how long it takes to crochet some of these projects, I guess that's a challenge...

The bag of poly-fill is bigger than
the goal box...

Actually, that isn't the challenge. Seeing as how I've got two and a half months to work on this, filling the box only twice is a smart goal. The challenge is to make things using only my current, accessible stash of supplies. Because, you see, I have so many more supplies besides what is pictured, but some of them are currently in storage; and they will not come out until I've finished what I have on hand. So there lies my challenge: emptying out the bags and bins of yarn I can reach by convention-time in August. Expect more pictures of my progress as I fill up the box! I'll be sure to have some completed projects in there by next week! Oh, and if you have ideas on how to make this additionally challenging, or have requests— for toys, hats, or a particular style of gloves— that you'd like to see in there, let me know by leaving a comment!

Nerdgasms: Dragons of Autumn Twilight

Five hours of mostly snap decision-making
ultimately yielded this weirdo. Artwork by
myself and Timothy James.

Last week I was drafted into a Dungeons and Dragons game for the first time in my life. Having never role-played in person, I wasn't sure what to expect or how things would progress. However, as I created my character— which was an arduous, five hour, brain-birthing process that resulted in a "tiefling bard" for anyone who's curious— I realized that to play in a fantasy world, it might help to immerse myself in a fantasy world first. Dragons of Autumn Twilight, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman, is the world I chose.

Seeking inspiration?
Actually, I vaguely recalled from the last time I read this book that it was set in the Dungeons and Dragons universe. So this technically counts as research, or reading an entertaining history book. Who said research can't be entertaining, after all? The good news is that you don't need to know anything about— or be interested in— D&D to enjoy this book! Knowing a thing or two about tabletop role-playing games might explain a couple of minor points in the story, though. I will tell you about those in a minute!

The plot seems solid: a band of "unwilling" heroes find themselves thrust into a dangerous quest to save the world. I use the word "unwilling" loosely. Our heroes may play coy, but beneath their protestations, the whole group is getting off on putting their lives on the line. After five years of solo-questing, five friends return to their hometown to share their findings from around the world. Rumors of impending war abound, though no one wants to believe it. Their reunion is interrupted when two strangers— a barbarian couple— enter the bar. When the barbarian woman, Goldmoon, sings a song about how they arrived to town, one of the locals takes offense and insists that she and her companion be arrested. Then, Mayor Douche-nozzle—

Please tell me that's really his name.
Unfortunately not, but this does accurately describe that background character. As I was saying: Mayor Douche-nozzle, having already imbibed more alcohol than is generally recommended, trips and falls in the fireplace. His robes quickly catch on fire, and the man will thankfully die to his flailing and fanning of the fire. (Apparently no one ever told him about "stop, drop, and roll.") In an effort to put the fire out, Goldmoon swings her plain, wooden staff at him to knock him down. The staff, however, has other ideas. It glows blue, knocks the fire out, and heals the man. Instead of being grateful, the man accuses Goldmoon of witchcraft, and the barbarians must now escape with the help of the five adventuring friends. The friends resolve to help Goldmoon and her companion find out more about the staff she wields: where it came from, what it means, and why it is so important to the draconian armies that are springing up around the world.

The first page in the book introduces the cast as "an unlikely group of heroes." Calling a group of skilled fighters that range from "lawful Good" to "chaotic Good" an unlikely group of heroes in a fantasy book is tantamount to lying. Damnable lies, I tell you! That is the likeliest group of heroes you will find in any fantasy book. However, I can think of one potential reason for this blatant falsehood: Weis and Hickman came up with the plot before they developed the characters. Hickman started work at TSR Hobbies, Inc. as a game designer in 1983, and conceived of a world where dragons played an influential part of the story. The world he conceived became the Dragonlance campaign in the D&D game.

"Dragonlance," as in...?

Cover art in the style of "Conan the Barbarian"
clearly marks this as fiction of the '80s.

As in the Dragonlance Chronicles this book is a part of. So this story is an offshoot of the game, but I'm really curious if they actually played the game and this was the result. It would explain some characters acting contradictory to their backgrounds. Given that the idea of Dungeons and Dragons is to guide your own avatars through a world and its quests, it makes sense that they would come up with the general plot before they tossed their own characters in as a beta test. I would consider Raistlin— a magic-wielding human character— a prime example of this. Raistlin is described as highly intelligent, driven by his quest for power, but very frail in body. Therefore, I find it odd whenever he does anything that isn't magic-related quickly or forcefully. He is repeatedly represented as being helped around by his much stronger twin brother, walking slowly with a staff, and barely speaking above a whisper due to his "shattered" health. So when— three-quarters of the way through the book— Raistlin is suddenly helping to usher another, more able-bodied character around, I have to wonder how. They make him sound as though he's decrepit, but suddenly he can run faster, or pick someone else up? Why?

Because the plot calls for it?
Pretty much. And if the plot didn't call for it, then he must have rolled a very good number in game to help him achieve it. Let me briefly describe how this game works in case you're flabbergasted by that last statement... The premise is that different abilities have points assigned to them. You roll dice to see if your character can do a thing, based on the points in that ability. The fewer points you have in an ability, the better your dice roll has to be to compensate for it. In other words, if Raistlin is so weak that he can barely move himself around at anything better than a snail's pace, he has to roll a good number in order to use up more strength. We then might explain that randomly amazing dice roll as "a sudden surge of adrenaline" in-game (or in-plot).

And this is important because...?
The reason I bring this up is that just as someone could have amazing dice rolls, someone else might be rolling shit. Another of our heroes, a dwarf named Flint Fireforge, is described as being an older and experienced, adventuring fighter who regards his younger companions as "his children." Everyone else regards him as a generally competent friend and member of the party. So some of the things that he does or that happen to him I can only ascribe to really shitty dice rolls. As I mentioned earlier, you don't need to know or be interested in D&D to enjoy this book, but having that bit of background knowledge explains some of the unbalanced writing.

So the writing is unbalanced?
A bit. Don't get me wrong, I've read far worse. The writing is polished, fairly well-edited, and the story makes sense (most of the time). I think, partly, it suffers from being the first of a trilogy and therefore needing to set up many things for the sequel. Another thing that I found to be a little jarring were the romances in the story. Admittedly, I'm not a huge fan of the romance genre. It doesn't really do anything for me. That's not saying that I can't appreciate some romance sprinkled into an adventuring story, though— as long as it's done well! But, as with the rest of the book, the romance is passable at best.

It really doesn't sound as though you enjoyed this book.
That's not it at all! Sure, I've spent most of this review telling you the story has its problems, but I still enjoyed it. I think there's a good chance you'll enjoy it too, if you forgive it some of its quirks! You may like this book if:

• You like adventuring stories with a dash of romance.
• You want a story with a dragon or two. (I suspect the sequel will have more dragons.)
• You appreciate fantasy settings with heroes, magic, and various races.
• You're curious about the sorts of shenanigans role-playing produces.

So give it a shot! You won't regret it!